Want it or need it?

I have been doing a lot of work with my children with regards to their needs and wants.  The older children have discovered that if they want something but need something else they must make a choice.  Unfortunately the choice they seem to have come to is whether or not to ask me to meet their needs so they can have their wants.  Not the pattern I was hoping for when they were young and I dreamt of them moving out.  I always thought they would call me if they ever needed anything but never dreamt they would use their money for wants and expect me to use mine for needs.  Where did we go wrong?  I have decided that with the next group we need to instill an understanding that they must meet their needs first and then their wants can be explored and prepared for.  Any advice for me on this one??  Happy Parenting.

Person or Parent

I understood when I first got pregnant that everyone would see only my tummy and forget I was there,  I understood when I had my first child that everyone would only see the baby I was carrying and not the Mommy.  I always expected that to subside once my children were older but I found rather than others begining to see me again I stopped seeing myself.  I forgot that I was a person, more than a mother, I forgot that I had talents and interests and something to offer the world other than my vast ability to change a diaper and recognize a cry.

I was always afraid I wouldn't love my children enough if I went on dates with my husband or took time for myself to enjoy a sunrise.  This was a huge mistake,  I love my children either way but they feel it a lot more when I am rested and peaceful.  Once I began taking a little time for myself and stopped beating myself up emotionally for needing it they felt the improvement in my mood and abilities as did I.

The added side effect of this that I had not expected or understood was that I had been teaching my children not to care for themselves and to put other's needs before their own at all times.  I didn't want them to grow up thinking everyone but them deserved to have the things they enjoy in life.  Once I began putting myself back into the picture they began to realize that they to had likes and dislikes of their own and were free to explore them without feeling they were letting anyone down.

Thanks again for stopping by please feel free to leave any comments you may have or questions you might like answered.  Happy parenting.

Can you hear me?

I have heard many times that people learn to parent from their parents but I don't see how.  Don't get me wrong my parents were ok for their time but if I used their methods today society would shun the effort.  My mother could use answers like "Because I said so" and ask questions like "Do you want me to spank you" and still seem reasonable.  Try these methods today and you'll be told you are damaging the emotional well-being of your child.  Today you are expected to have reasonable answers to their questions of why and spanking is absolutely taboo now we must talk to them and understand why they are not complying with our requests.  The resulting effect is that I spend a large portion of my time talking and very little of my time feeling heard.  More often than not I give up before they do. 

My mother used phrases like "A stitch in time saves nine" and my father answered my questions with "I would hesitate to assertain with any great degree of accuracy".  I got frustrated by the phrases they used that I didn't understand and went and looked the answer to my question up in a dictionary, encyclopedia, or text book.  I was 14 when I finally realized my dad was saying "I don't know" when he used all of those big words.  My children have computers, text books, public libraries, teachers, and they still think I should know everything and if I say I don't know they expect me to look it up and get back to them.  When I do get back to them with my new found knowledge they argue with me and tell me I'm wrong because their teacher said it was something else.  They then get the answer wrong on their homework and return angry with me because I told them wrong when in actuallity they chose not to use the answer I had given them.  The process is exhausting.

I love parenting and have learned a lot from my children so if anyone has any topics of discussion or questions I would be happy to answer.  Starting tomorrow I'll be sharing a few examples of what has worked for me over the last 20 years.  Good luck and happy parenting.

This is parenting?

I have often wondered why the hardest job in the world doesn't come with a manual or even a high school level course on how it should be done.  There is so much literature out there on what not to do and very little on what to do instead, I wonder if it is possible to get it right.  Has anyone ever heard of a child making it through childhood without any issues?

I am a mother of 4 and have assisted in the parenting of more than 15 children currently aging from 7 months to 25 years.  I am proud of every child but not necessarily proud of every choice made either by the parents or the children.  I hope this blog will bring parents together to share ideas and experiences and help us all to remember that for all the advice in the world there is no perfect way to parent just good ideas that work for awhile and then get replaced by different good ideas.  I'll be back each day in hopes of sharing my experiences and helping someone else and hope to find a few thoughts from others along the way.  Best wishes and happy parenting.